TheHolisticParent.ORG Fearful of Giving Birth

Fearful of Giving Birth

A whole lot of time could be spent on this topic alone. The simple fact is far too
many women in the United States are terrified to give birth. Why wouldn’t we
be? The media continually depicts birth as a medical emergency with mass
hysteria. The sad part is that women are not around birth much in our culture.
Consider yourself lucky if your own birth isn’t the first one you’ve been to. First
time mothers have no idea what to giving birth is actually like. Something
happened when birth moved into the hospital. Women lost their power over
their birth experience. Women lost their voice. Birth was now controlled by
male physicians who had never even experienced birth! Midwives were
outlawed. This was an incredible injustice to women and babies, yet the mass
majority of women went along with the current culture and gave birth to their
babies in the hospital.

There are several reasons why women are fearful to give birth, and I want to
explore each one in an effort to help women take back their birth experience.

Fear of Pain

The first most obvious reason women are fearful of birth is the excruciating
pain they are almost certain to experience, right? I’ll let you in on a little secret.
The pain of childbirth is not that bad. It is actually very doable, after all women
have been giving birth since the beginning of time. Epidurals are a very recent
creation. Some women go through childbirth with no pain whatsoever. They
are a rare few granted, but it’s possible. If they can do it, why not you? I can’t
guarantee you’ll feel no pain during your birth, but the frame of mind a woman
has before she gives birth in regards to the pain is huge. If you believe your
birth will be horrible, it will probably be a whole lot scarier and difficult for you.
For those that can allow their bodies to relax and go with whatever their bodies
are telling them will have a much more successful time.

So, how do you get to the point of feeling okay with giving birth and whatever
might come your way? Once again, educate yourself. It’s amazing that your
mind doesn’t really have to have any knowledge of birth for your body to know
what to do. That’s what totally cool about a woman’s body. But, it will make you
feel a whole lot better to have at least a basic knowledge of birth. Do not watch
births on television. They will not give you an accurate perspective. Do not listen
to other people’s horror stories. For some reason, this is a fun pastime in
America. People feel they will get recognition and sympathy because they went
through a difficult childbirth. How sad. I believe in only listening to empowering,
inspirational stories. Check out our birth story section. Fill yourself up with good
thoughts, good energy regarding birth.

Take a childbirth class. Make sure it’s not sponsored by the hospital. All the
hospital childbirth class is going to provide you with is methods of pain relief
they can offer you during your labor and basic hospital policy to make you more
compliant. You will also get a tour of the hospital room. Can be useful
information, but It will not equip you to give birth. Take a Bradley method or
hypnobirthing class. There is also a great website listed in our resources
section that offers online childbirth classes.

One last note of the pain of childbirth. Whatever your experience, it will only be
temporary. It will not last forever. The discomfort or pain you may feel is different
from any other pain you will feel. It has a purpose and it gives you breaks in
between. It’s amazing really. It is also important to note that the intensity of
labor does not start out extremely strong. It builds gradually. When it gets to the
point of getting quite strong, it usually means you’re right at the end! And do you
know the best part? You get a baby out of all of it! I guarantee that it’s worth it.

Fear of the Unknown

Aside from the issue of pain, it can be scary to not know in general what your
labor will be like, how it will go, and what will happen. Even if you’ve had a baby
before, each labor is different. I get that. It’s a legitimate concern. The fact is
though that if you meditate on these thoughts, your fear will only increase.
Visualizing your ideal birth experience will help it come to pass. I truly believe
this. It may not go exactly as you’d like, but positive thoughts go a long way.
Accepting the fact that we cannot choose our birth experiences in their entirety
(we can of course make some decisions) will help to let go of anxiety over how
the birth will go. Trust your instincts during labor. Trust your body. The rest will
work itself out.

Fear of Losing Control

Birth is an event like no other. On one hand, you don’t have total control over the
experience. You can make choices, but your body ultimately does the work.
This is hard for a lot of women to handle. Our society is based on having
control, and many of us do not like giving up our control or not having control. It
is an uncomfortable situation. Women also fear that they won’t be able to
tolerate childbirth, and so will lose control in that way. Some think they will
panic, freak out, go insane, etc. Some women do have moments of panic due
most likely to the fear of the unknown. None have gone insane to my
knowledge. If you freak out, it will be okay. No one will hold it against you or
think less of you. Labor is a time where women are somewhat uninhibited. You
do not have to be completely composed during your labor. It is perfectly
reasonable to act naturally during your labor, however you feel like you need to
be. Labor will not however, completely change who you are. You’ll still be you.
You won’t go crazy. You may not be as patient and may be a little short with
people, but labor doesn’t mean you have to automatically be downright mean.
Ultimately, this fear is one to just let go. Just let it go.

Fear of Being Overwhelmed

I have to be honest. This fear is a possibility. Labor is a unique experience. It
can be overwhelming to take in. The power of the sensations you may
experience can be intense. If you’re delivering in a hospital, you’ll be in different
surroundings. This can be new to you. You may also be thinking about what life
with a new baby will be like after the labor is over. These things as well as
others can be overwhelming. The key to not being overwhelmed during labor
itself is to take one moment at a time, one contraction at a time. You can go
back to being overwhelmed about life or whatever else after your labor is over.
During labor, however, just focus on the here and now. Stay in the moment and
focus on that one moment. The best part is that chances are during labor, you’
ll do this naturally. It just happens. You don’t have to think about it. You don’t
have to try to make it happen. Your mind just automatically enters what has
been called “laborland”. It’s a beautiful thing really. Just allow it to happen. You’
ll most likely look back and think, “well, that went fast” or “wasn’t so bad”. Since
“laborland” comes naturally, there’s really no point in worrying about being
overwhelmed. Just calm your mind and trust it will happen for you too.

Fear of Ability to Give Birth

This topic I love. I love it because it is in essence so wonderfully simple.
Women are designed to give birth. Your body is divinely created to give birth.
This is worth repeating. Your body is divinely designed to give birth! It’s
incredible. More on that in a moment. Why do we not believe we can give birth?
What happened in our society that women lost confidence in our bodies and
our natural ability? There are a lot of factors. Without going into the politics of
birth in our country (and yes, there are a lot), it needs to be mentioned that not
every culture is scared of birthing. For many cultures, birth is considered such a
natural event that it is not feared. Our country is different however. With an ever
increasing Cesarean section rate, it is easy for women to believe that they just
can’t have babies. I’ve heard it before, “I’m just not made to have babies”, “my
baby got stuck”, “I just couldn’t push my baby out”, “I couldn’t get into active
labor”, “my contractions weren’t strong enough”, “I just wasn’t able to dilate”
amongst many others. This makes me sad. It is not our ability that is faulty in
almost every circumstance. It is the way birth is managed. It is the constant
interventions. It is in large part the epidural. There are many reasons why a
labor can be dysfunctional, and most of them have to do with factors outside of
a woman’s body. I discuss this in greater detail in some of the other sections
on birth. The point I am really trying to get across is that every woman’s body
can give birth. It doesn’t matter where you are, if you know what you’re doing, if
you’re fearful, if you have an epidural or not, if you’re even ready, if you’re having
pain or not having pain, what you had for breakfast, if the sky is blue; it doesn’t
matter! Your body will give birth! It will take over, and it will give birth. The most
important key is to get out of the body’s way and allow it to do its job. It almost
always does not need help. So, have confidence in your body and in your ability.
It’s one of the best parts of being a woman.

To wrap up this topic, I would like to say there are probably many other reasons
why women may feel fearful to give birth. Don’t feel guilty or get down on
yourself if you do feel fearful. This is a very common thing in our society, and
you are not at fault for feeling this way. This is an area that I am so passionate
about. I would love feedback from anyone interested in sharing what fears you
had and how you overcame them or if you’re still having fears and need help
overcoming them. If there are other fears you can think of that you’d like to see
discussed, please use the contact us form. I would be happy to keep adding to
this section.

"Childbirth is painful,
yes. It's just the kind
of pain that doesn't
hurt." Elena
Tonetti-Vladimiroa

The Holistic Parent.ORG

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